Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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