the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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