apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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