I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize