If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize