Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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