I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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