I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize