I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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