Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize