Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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