I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize