i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize