I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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