You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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