can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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