Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ttyl tear gas
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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