I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize