Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize