I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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