Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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