My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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