i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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