Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize