remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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