i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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