Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize