I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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