my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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