I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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