when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize