he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize