I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize