I think my fart just growled at me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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