Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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