I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
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I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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