The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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