i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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