New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize