I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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