You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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