i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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