i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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