Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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