I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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