oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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