Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize