wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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