remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize