I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the condom got lost in my hair
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize